Learning1

In a hope to remember what I've learned, I will maintain constant posts regarding new tricks I learn using photoshop illustrator dream weaver or painter


todays lesson:
To get a smoke effect in PS

You can use

Filter> Distort> Wave

Then Edit> Fade Wave 50%

Keep repeating using the randomize button to eventually get a really cool smoke effect.

Everything

There’s a bunch of times and dates associated with these from anywhere between middle school and two years ago, These were all at one time on my myspace blog but that was lost when I deleted that profile, So here they are, my life story told through poems.

I eat Clouds

their minds set on one thing, the big dollars
the
next
big
thing
a monster that gestates to their glee.
Who will sell, who is the next streetwalking whore?
Prance around on their chain. Please don't. Please
don't ask questions.
I sit on my roof, a monster in my own right.
Staring at the stars I know not of my
wrong. Hungry I eat clouds and stars alike. A bland
prepackaged meal for consumer consumption.

Let the storm win

Cut him open and search

What remains for aspiring nobility?

Rejoice!

This hollowed husk is shaped into

Chords strung over open wounds

and played with a grace of an

Unparalleled master

float his soul down stream

wave goodbye

FLOOD

The storm sips us through straws

They pit us against each other in

Cages filled with gavel

Under our feet are the

Bodies of those who have perished

And in the light of an exploding

H-Bomb

We sleep/kiss/dance/fuck

We cannot be stopped in

This our hour of ascension

Like a feather in the wind

We cry in vibrant color

Over the bodies outlined in chalk.

Somewhere out there

"Monster!" she cried out in the

Dimly lit morning air. But before

her stood a man. When the

Scene was set they forgot to

Rehearse the parts. The man smiled

Wicked and dark. She tried to

run but the empty heart she

held seemed to anchor her

in place. They danced around in

a stale ambiguous manor. The

probability of either of them

falling asleep tonight was slim.

The one I wanted to write

I'm plagued with information

were dying to forget but

were left with regret

I try to draw conclusions

but I only end up drawing

stars for her eyes

and worms eating our past

black out the lights and

don’t try to remember

black out and try to make this last.

She’s praying to god in the skies

and I’m in a bathroom stall

in

Middle America

Puking my guts out. screaming

"Someone help me forget".

Journey through the dark

Read me a fairy tale

leave out the parts about

heroes and villains

leave out him and her

leave out romance and love

forget it

just whisper

"It'll be okay"

in my ears.

At last Atlantis

Please listen

to the sound

of walls come

crashing down

Please sit and

watch her slowly

fall apart

SWELL

The currents

bite our toes.

This man made

island is soon

to settle at the

bottom of the sea.

Shift and sway in

the power of the

sun. One day global

warming will

help us all to melt.

We grow in

patterns of vertical

aspiration. Taller

Taller! The morning

comes swift but will

we be there to see

the dawn?

[laughing at my back]

My mind is haunted,
and they dance around
behind my eyes. Sha la la la.
who are you who are you?
breathing machine, for the lungs
that have never tried.
I wish that I could save myself,
but I’m pretty sure the sky
wants me dead.

Our modern day saints killed God.

This feeling of worldwide apathy
spreads
like a plague,
it eats away at the fabric we use
to create our modern era.
Beauty is replaced with digital effects,
and kindness is a character flaw,
one that will end you a last place
victory
in this human's race.
It chews away at our hearts
like black flies on rotting fruit.
We could stop this!
but would we really want to?
No,
We are incapable of seeing our own flaws.
Instead of improving lets just burn down
the skies and let the black abyss of space
swallow our misshapen existence.
Remember when life was something
worth treasuring?

She sits

She sits and drinks the cool lemonade
from the twisted straw and it reminds
me of times where she was in my life
and she needed me but now all she
needs me for is a easy example of
what to forget in her past.

As she sits and sips, I wish I was
something more than a ghost.



Worry

I worry that if you are reading
this its too late, every corner
I turn they are one step closer
to capture and with every
breath they are one inch closer
to plunging their drawn weapons
into my skin.

If you can save me please take
this message in a bottle and cast
it back to sea, one day I will
be whole.

We are numbers

We want the next big thing
buy buy sell sell
Whatever gives you the numbers
whatever fools them into believing long enough to make a market
take the average and play on their fears and doubts
take the innocent and then spin until they are innocent no more
we need press coverage of the new social suicide
falling from the tops of crowded sky scrapers into the abyss
pretend that we all know, that were professionals at falling down
we never see it coming the flash of light and the sound that follows
we were professionals all right
mass produced for the finest of fuckups

I’m only alone when the lights go out.

We're terrified, in a
dark room with
pinholes
for lighting, that has
little to no
effect

We're all feeling
around on the floor.
searching
for the dropped
revolver. Minus
one
shot, the murder weapon.

We're anchors
tied off, dropping into the
empty
seas, helpless sad
little
creatures, we just want
our chance to play god.

We're lost and the
goddamned
dark isn't helping
us find our ways
we stammer around
our tongues out
our mouths filled with
words
we don't know how to say

Bus stop

Humans from apes
Humans back to apes
Humans with wings
Humans with malicious intent
Humans can do no wrong
Humans that can do nothing but it
I'm surrounded by the same
the walls around me are flesh
packed tightly into narrow streets
I can scream but it's been done
I can run but I'd surely fall.
I understand I am trapped
A boy alone with his thoughts
I sit and ponder my situation
I write notes asking for help
leave them in my footsteps
I patiently wait, no one turns back
Sleepers lie Sleepers lay.
Please cruel human mind
let me fall asleep.

Wish me away.

Somewhere in the cold mid Atlantic there's
a piece of driftwood that knows your name
and I’m stuck watching the love of my life.
a girl who will never know my name
and the sea breeze kisses her face
she can never really be tamed
her hair blows around her face and she
smiles at the thought of fame

Radio signals dance around her sunbathed body
she's living her small life proudly without a care
and anything I could give to her I would
but I know the truth and I wouldn't dare
she's dreaming peacefully in California
I'm stuck here and growing cold
she's running through my dreams
but those beautiful nights are growing old

she whispers a tune one that you already know
she's forgetting all her troubles
and this moments made of gold
She's whispering of freedom
while shackled I grow old.

Offshore a vessel of wood and steel
takes its final journey into the depths
Coral reef struck her bow
and in water she finds her death

My love is unaware as I sink
For her I would discard this pen
but to find my new home
she needs to follow the trail of ink.

We love

I close my eyes and imagine
things aren't the same
but I realize
that my body
floats down stream
and that no matter
how fast they run
they could never catch me

The wind whispers
to the shores
telling stories of
the shortcomings of man
laughing at how we
try to make the world
ours.

I took a stand for what
I believe in. and I don't
know how long I have.
How many seconds of
safety
how many minutes I can
spend bowing before the
moon.

There's a hole in this ship
and the cold water produces
a sharp pain that we
all know. The storm stretches
for miles over the
beautiful sea. The ocean
my mistress now turned
into a jealous ex-lover.
She cripples the vessel.
twisting metal and man alike
She destroys everything I know.
She drowns my hope against
the eastern cliff face.

We love the way our one person
makes us feel.
but when are left to our own
it pools and collects.
A hopeless love so thick you
could bottle and sell it.
without that one
all we are is love.

It Stems from the heart

it builds and grows
but eventually collapses
onto itself.
it doesn't know
any better.
The thoughts surround
and seal me inside the dark
tight like an envelope
addressed to a distant love

Lets set ourselves aflame
she said with eyes as pale as
the early morning haze.
I wish I knew who you were
but more and more now I find
myself
wishing I know who you now
are.
The person who you are
and the person
that you tell yourself
you should be
differ greatly.
And maybe just maybe you
should invest some time
starring into a mirror alone.
Please understand...
because now more
than ever
I can finally admit to you
that I am scared.

Behind you

There's no use in
struggling. apparitions
like I know not
the limitations of your
meager existence

the cold of this
empty room serves
to set your senses
straight. You mimic
good. You parade
around claiming
you are pure.
but we know the
truth.
We who can see
when you believe
you are alone.

We who now
surround
your frail body
like the shivers
that call you
home

We are now here
to
scare
you.
We are spiteful
jealous things
but you deny our
very existence.
But I, I am more
real than the tears
running down your
cheeks

Count to three
and blink, repeat
after me

THERE
ARE
NO
GHOSTS


Nightmares

This is my nightmare
waking up
and being everyone
else
being you.

It scares me to think
that I could
ever
accept things for what
they are

and not
for what they
should be

Breathe

Floating here
without oxygen
I stop thinking of time
I stop thinking of romance
and of lies
I start thinking
oh god is this how
I am going to die

you see nobody
can seem to admit it
but everyone knows
we wont live forever

we flirt with the idea of
each day being our
last

but we cant seem
to decide when
to start living our lives
and when to stop
following in the footsteps
of everyone around us

I hope
one day some foolish fucking kid
will look up to me
and I will be
something more
than this paranoid
boy, writing
to rid himself
of the problems
of the day.

Open Heart

The only problem with
playing doctor
is I have no idea
how deep to make
the incision without
risking her heart

You see her heart is a
putrid
little thing. With
enough mystery
around it, that you could
bathe in the misunderstanding

I could try to take a slice
try to be the operating operator
but there's
no reason
because she doesn't want
me
of all boys, to save her.

Something about a
lack of interest,
something about my
green eyes not being
the eyes to meet
with hers and see
forever.

what's the use, when
right now I could die
for something beautiful
but beauty has no time
for me.

Life is hard

Stumbling blindly
around his room
the boy found himself
a slave to the pin light
hole that was the light
of his cellular phone.

Would it ring, would
she still care, would it ring
it drove him mad. Hour upon
hour stacking above his head
the thought of defeat weighted
his body down, until he was sure
he was sinking in the
carpeted floor.

It was obvious this one was
not right, the one before that
nor the one before that.
it was an endless cycle of let
down and while he was sure
one day, he could get
it right the wait and anticipation
of another letdown
was the worst pain
he knew.

Still he love it, the let down
the buildup and breaking
of all his dreams was
something he knew would
either make him stronger
or lead him to a cold
distant death alone with
out any idea of the love
he was capable of.

He would never admit
that he loved it though,
for he never took the
time to understand his
disease. The aching heart
inside his chest. round and
full it waited patiently like
a dog waiting for a master
that would never come home.

shaken by the way things
had a way to always repeat
themselves, like a tape loop
marathon of golden girls. he
found himself breaking apart
in a state of denial and disbelief
one day he would shine, screaming
at the blank walls that danced with
shadows. There was never
an answer back.

In a unbalanced rage
he could do only one thing
to stop himself from completely
losing control. He wrote one word onto
his arms in black marker, and starred
at it until he fell asleep.

"Escape"

To you

Please relate
please find it in your
heart
to forgive and accept.
Because with this
acceptance, we can
move forward.
and with this movement
we can once again
feel
alive.

To me.

Run, Don't look back.
Open mouth and SCREAM.
Dream, open your heart
and beg for love.
Point at the stars and
sky and heckle the
moon for it is now your
turn to shine. They will
never
take the time to understand
boys like us. Stop
expecting them to try.

Protesting life

Constant motion
pissed at the world
and drunk off bum wine.
He sees things
as the wrongs done
against him. Blind to
the ones that want to
make it
right

He is a cage fighter
against the
world
He's throwing punches
towards the dark.
Pessimism is not only
his only friend, but his
greatest enemy in
disguise

A way out

Her arms wrap around
him moving as if she
had the limbs of a
squid. He is short of
breath, short of time.
He is becoming rapidly
remorseful. while she
loses track of time.
This is a victimless
crime.

The music box angel
dances in circles
and the lights
flicker
in the stale city air.
It was an awful sight
and puppets play
an orchestrated
sitcom theme song.

then much to the boys
delight, The building
collapsed.

Misread

His breath stunk. That
was the first thing
she noticed. It was
a surprise that was what
she noticed first. He was
in shambles. Stumbling
closer to her. His misshapen
sloppy hair and his partially
untucked dress shirt. He reeked
of whiskey and deceit. He smiled
at her and said in a convincing tone.
"Hey, I have a hell of a story for you..."

Pretend, Pretend

Our hearts are the backdrops
to this putrid play
preformed on stage. The
actors unenthusiastically act
the parts of two now
distant lovers. Loving lying
and leaving, Clichés that
they didn't bother to
explain. The speech has been
skipped and in its place
the two try to portray thought
through stares. Eventually
they both fall to the floor.
Victims of something like a
heart attack.

Bones

I buckle and falter.
We live and die
but we can't see past
the basic differences.
Past aesthetics were all
the same. Carbon on
brittle frames of bone

We dictate to each
other who lives or
dies. We are hypocrites
to tag each life with
a different cost. We
pretend to be gods
while the skeletons in
our closets scream and
scratch at closed doors
in the dark.

You see you and I
are very
similar to those
skeletons. We pretend
to be invincible but we
are really just alone
and scared feeling
around in the dark.

We take our time
one step after another
we walk in straight lines
because we are told
that its what we are
meant to do.

We cant look in each other's
eyes,
I want to see your eyes so bad.
Dive into them, kiss the
color
to remind me that I was
once there.

The wind
whispers and entangles her,
He runs his fingers
along her bare skin,
and I wish I was
him,
Oh! I wish I Wish,
but I am not. And the
wind speaks for the both
of us, reminding that she is finally
asleep.

I can't take these
tremors; they are
caused from a constant
denial of the truth.
Self inflicted like the
Tears
in her eyes.

I want to dance, but
she is more than weary.
And she tip toes
around the
downstairs furniture,
twisting in fabric
that she dyes and
sews and she wraps
herself up in. She
is the model, she is
the goddamned
stage show,
and I am here
in the orchestral
pit alone,
wishing
I had words but all
I have is a mouth and a
swollen heart.
She spins and smiles
in the dancing lights

The words we couldn't
say, and the worlds
we couldn't save. "We
are helpless against
fate." She says.

Loss of sleep.

Report the loss

Commander please

don't grieve at the

outcome. I have been

thinking this one

out for a very long

time now.

Stars fall

Starts die

But can I last

Forever?

It seems as if I could

never get this right.

Please leave me broken

because its all I know

how to do well.

What’s the point in

having a mind

that constantly tells

you there’s something

better out there

but never how to

reach it?

I need

I need a beautiful girl
A crazy girl
With a voice so perfect
she’s afraid to sing.
I'd get so confused
all I would do is beg her to sing
I need a beautiful girl
A crazy girl
With a voice so perfect
she’s afraid to sing.
I'd get so confused
all I would do is beg her to sing
I need a beautiful girl
A crazy girl
With a voice so perfect
she’s afraid to sing.
I'd get so confused
all I would do is beg her to sing
I need a beautiful girl
A crazy girl
With a voice so perfect
she’s afraid to sing.
I'd get so confused
all I would do is beg her to sing
I need control of my mind again.

Boy Eat World

call the cops
because someone is
coming up the stairs.
repeating patterns of steps has me
worried, has me frozen alive.
He's coming,
He's banging on my door
He's coming
He's coming
He's breaking
He's here breaking me apart
Contrast the whole of this disaster,
with the cries of a helpless boy.
Heartbeats like breaking china
home wreck dancing ballerina.
tell me have you ever seen her
with open eyes.
With these open eyes,
we sink ships
but with out my "I's"
i'm a sitting shadow
and the door breaks down.

Feel the fall

bite your lip
eat your tongue
remember me
remember me
can you feel it
can you remember the fall?
watch it drip and splatter on this page
how sorry can "I’m sorry" really mean
tie us down
tie us to the tracks
like brothers we fall
like brothers we bleed.
I never had the ability
to recognize danger until
she was smiling face to face
and even then I'd still
take her by the hand and
ask her for a dance.

The thorns we Accept

The coffin bound to railroad tracks

Can you walk in a straight line

on a curved chalk outline?

Break down and break dance on

the head of a pin.

Hurricane of reasons to justify

"CAPITAL!" scream the old men.

The ones that sleep tight in penthouses.

Murder is profit.

Profit is of kings.

They were the modern day royalty.

Their thrones rose high into the urban skyline.

One step closer to God in their minds.

One step closer to hell in ours.

The cogs of their machines are greased,

thick with the broken dreams

of those fallen in their wake.

They smile hands out stretched

greeting their kingdoms in the new mornings

And with each new day,

were reminded that towers can topple and

even the grandest of Empires can fall.

Lost it again

She smiled at me once,

her breath exhaled in a perfume,

expressing an aroma of black and white,

memories that I'd rather kept shut in.

She grins and chambers a slug,

all the while my mind slips out of my mouth

It slips along the floor evading my best attempts

These are memories shed love to leave.

As I chase my wandering mind.

she wraps her fingers around the trigger

she feeds it to me, unable to chew, my only option

is to swallow.

Cannibal cloud

I don't feel so tall anymore,

my head is hardly ever in the clouds

anymore. And my arms are hardly

long enough to pull a smile from the

heavens. The weight of gravity has

stolen my only smile, and in a

metamorphosis turned it into a frown.

Drown the reason with the habit.

Train A. Fast track from point nowhere to Los
Angeles California,
I hope I hope
there’s a damsel tied to the tracks,
I can't save her from herself
but I can try.
Loose yourself in the sound of
metal on metal, grinding and pounding.
The age of Iron reborn, something
magnificent that we all shape our lives around.
Supply and demand kills itself if you have
nothing
to chase after heart in hand.

In the electric age I was shooting star

How did I end up this way,
the clouds slip past in my dreams of rain and
warm silent whispers. I believe in things I cannot
I see beautiful things dancing in the sky.
they beg to be free but are chained to only me
If she could only know, if she could only see
the breeze of night blows through trees and over
warmed ears. I could be so much more, I could be
I could be, I could be, I am
I am ephemeral now, glowing in the sky dancing like
dreams that weren't mean to be understood.
I see her I see her.
Please keep me just out of reach to immortality.
make the pores read true, the words I speak turn
and twist into something greater than the two of us
I’m a slave to soft touch and flowing hair
will she be there to guide me through the night
Can I forever be bound to beauty?

Modern wars are fought in 3 dimensions

The paperbacks watch over the children.
the children dance in patterns.
circles.circles.circles
who am I to walk proudly,
with glass
in the soles of my shoes.
Modern life is like high school,
but with suicide bombers, instead
of trapper keepers.

Fire kills spider

shores swell and sway and the night sky falls
closely and calmly down the seaside cliffs
the lovers leapt and leaping forgetting that
one way or another things have their way of
working around the horrible and finding
their own way to the beautiful
one last step before I slip and lose my footing.
Remember me for the things I refused to be.

Fill that cup

This is the point of no return, the black
and white shallow water nightmare
buckles and breaks under the current, and the
Technicolor dream of promise floats away.
I still wait for a time where all the experience
I have been filled with falls into cracks and holes
of my empty vessel, a time were I can
understand, I want so hard to be able to live my
life on my terms but reality is a cruel beast that
stalks on the ocean floor, feeding on the helpless
and frightened. Man and machine combined have
never had their worlds turned upside down and I
have never put my bare feet in the cold waters
of the Atlantic.

The fall of castles, built upon the backs of the hopeless.

These words are chiseled into bones of enemies,
and told over and over, until the myth overshadows
the truth. please, don't think any less of us, please
tell us what was your intention? Please light words
in our hearts. That my making is the same as the
next and the next, that as hard as we fight to be
more different than the last, we are all the same
carbon tissues wrapped delicately around bones and
beating hearts. Please cure this unsatisfiable

lust
for repeating patterns, before we drag our broken
limbs into holes under the weight of our wrong doings.

Humanlikequalities

War, one man killing another man for the sake of
glory. A delicate process in which the only true winner
is the one that decided to stay home that day. God
bless our troops, in the tainted blood of theirs.